I’ll be completely honest. Port Saint Lucie isn’t exactly known for its nightlife. It started out as a retirement community, and its sleepy culture has persisted to this day. Despite that, it has of all things a drag bar hidden just off of US1.
It’s not exactly a sophisticated place. This isn’t the county for sophisticated places. This is more for cheesy, spur of the moment fun.
Some friends and I decided to go just before the 4th of July. Some of them had been there before, some had not. I was among those who needed initiation. We paid our $10 cover charge and arrived just in time for the drag show to start.
Because of the upcoming holiday, the stage was decked out in red, white, and blue foil. One Queen, a blonde, came out first and performed to “The Star Spangled Banner.” After singing two verses, the music was halted and the Queen walked back and forth across the stage, telling jokes and embarrassing the hell out of a few couples who thrust some dollars her way. It’s a shame I don’t remember her name, because it was amusing.
“Any Republicans in the house?” she asked. After no hands shot up and a few people laughed, she continued with delight, “not a fuckin’ one!”
She found a straight man in the audience, there with his wife and a friend of hers who worked for him. Naturally, there were jokes implying that he regularly got it on with the assistant friend.
“Oh, she’s a dentist’s assistant! Do you let him drill you?” After the audience laughed some more, she inspected the wife’s ring. “Let him fuck her, honey. You’ve got the diamond!”
By now I’d had some rum and coke in me on an empty stomach, so I felt the booze’s effects quickly. Everything amused me.
Before long the drag show was over, and the DJs went to work. Because of the venue I’d expected some more alternative music, but they played the same hit songs that are blowing up the radio at the moment. Gotye’s “Somebody I used to know,” Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen, mixed in with hip hop songs I wouldn’t be able to identify while sober. If you’re just looking for songs to dance to, awesome. But let it be known that I don’t dance.
I tried to avoid it, but my friends dragged me to the floor and soon enough, I’m moving my hips back and forth like a toddler who can’t seem to work a rocking chair. But if you pay attention, you’ll find that many of the people on the dance floor are doing the same thing, so it’s not as bad as it sounds.
Eventually I got bored with this and watched some people play pool on the other side of the bar, where it was quiet enough to hear yourself talk to the other person. A cute girl, probably about my height or shorter with short blond hair, a white tank top and baggy jeans. Apparently, she’d been wanting to meet me all night. We introduced ourselves and I watched her play another round only to lose. I joked about being a bad luck charm, but there wasn’t any time to test the theory as her girlfriend came by and whisked her away.
When I returned, my friends were making requests to the DJs for the Time Warp. They didn’t have it, much to our disappointment. Getting tired of the music, and it getting closer to last call, we decided to go and get a bite to eat at the local Denny’s. Apparently this is a popular choice for the Rebar crowd, as half of the people in the dining room at this hour were people we recognized from the club.
I won’t deny it, I had fun. I was able to let loose and enjoy myself, and remember that this is not a place to be taken seriously. If you’re looking for something fun to do while in the treasure coast area, there are far worse places to go.
The Bitter Baker
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